BAD DATES AND HOW TO AVOID THEM

Everybody has been on a disastrous date at some stage. This article is sure to prompt your memory if nothing else.

I remember Jenny, a client of mine, telling me about a bad date she went out on years ago. She really liked this particular guy, and it seemed he was very interested in her.

He took her to dinner and was very generous, as he suggested she could order anything she wanted. She proceeded to order oysters. The night was looking good. The oysters arrived and she just needed some lemon for the final touch. She proceeded to squeeze the lemon, but unfortunately it didn’t land on the oysters. Instead it went into her date’s eye. Oh dear! He was in agony. You can imagine how embarrassed she was and that wasn’t all. With the next course she proceeded to spill her wine all over the table and she just died within.

He never rang her again and she always thought it was because of her embarrassing stuff ups. I personally doubt that was the reason. Let’s face it, she may not have been the woman of his dreams, or he may have had a girlfriend or wife in another town. Who knows what was going on in his life?

There can be many reasons why dates don’t go past first base, so never take rejection personally. In these instances the best things you can do is laugh and make a joke out of the whole 'bad date' situation as laughter releases embarrassment.

And what about this one? Another client recently told me she went out with a guy who wanted to pay for the dinner bill with a half price coupon. Well I guess that is okay, but only if he is paying. The irony though is, he requested she pay the bill as he believed he was entitled to the free half. Now that’s a way for a guy to lose mega points before he even gets to first base! Guys please think before acting.

I have had my fair share of disastrous bad dates as well. I once had a date who arrived in a beaten up old car, (I am not a snob, but I believe the state of someone’s car tells you a lot about a person). Then one hour later, on the way to the restaurant, we were involved in a car accident. I knew then this was another sign that this date was a very bad idea. Unfortunately, the night didn’t improve, because, while holding my hand and crossing the road to the restaurant he proceeded to say, “Jane we might find a man here for you.” Well for a woman who talks a lot and considers herself confident and assertive, I was lost for words. All I could think was, “Is this guy for real, and why did he ask me out in the first place?” I just pretended I didn’t hear what he said, and decided in that moment this date was definitely a bad date, and that I didn’t ever want to see this man again.

Unfortunately he ricocheted back a few weeks later with another romantic invitation. “Jane, I thought I would ring you to see if you would you like to come to a swinger’s party with me?” Picking myself off the floor with disbelief, I said “I think you have the wrong idea about me, and I think it is best that you don’t ring me again.” Now where was this guy’s emotional intelligence, please tell me? Behind the door obviously or under the mat! Why didn’t his mum tell him it is important to make a woman feel valued? Mums, we have duty to educate our sons on some of these basic things. Don’t assume your sons will automatically get it.

I guess though you have to give this guy some points for trying as some guys give up completely due to the terror of rejection.

Another time, I invited a guy I had just met along to a party. He seemed quite nice until he ended up disappearing and having sex with a woman (who he didn’t know), in the bedroom upstairs, about one hour after we arrived. Great manners on his behalf, and very embarrassing for me! Luckily I was good friends with the host of the party, and they were nice enough not to cross me off their friendship list. And, guess what? That was the end of him too.

Disastrous is not the word for what we singles (men and women) occasionally encounter on the dating scene.

Luckily most of my dates in the past haven’t been of this calibre, as I have been out with some wonderful men, but I guess I had to experience a few disastrous bad dates to be able to write on this topic.

The moral of these stories is that when we are just getting to know someone, we only have a short time to make an impression, so guys and girls, don’t blow it. Do everything you can to makes sure it's a good date. Think about the messages you are giving out through your words, actions and your body language, and remember that YOU are fully responsible for the results you create in your relationships and in your life.

If you don’t like the results you are getting, or you are constantly being rejected, you need to change your thoughts and behaviours to get different results. (You will most likely need some coaching or counselling to improve your confidence).

Dating Tips to avoid a disastrous first date