“Frolicking foreplay?” I hear you say. “What on earth is frolicking foreplay?”

So let’s take a look at the wonderful past time of foreplay that most of us enjoy, but often neglect due to a lack of sexual knowledge, selfishness, boredom, laziness, or time constraints. This is not to say that the quickie on the washing machine isn’t a worthwhile event occasionally! The quickie at the right time, in the right mood, and in the right place can be a wonderful frolic and it can certainly sometimes necessary to add some sugar and spice to our sex life. But, let’s get back to the stuff that really feeds our heart and soul, and what helps to sustain relationships……frolicking foreplay.

First let’s divide frolicking foreplay into two parts, emotional and physical. Emotional foreplay is making our partner feel special and valued in and out of the bedroom. Without emotional foreplay no amount of physical foreplay will create the hot sizzling sex and the deep emotional intimacy we constantly crave.

Emotional foreplay requires contribution and effort, with trust and love as the foundational ingredients. It is taking off the “I’m okay” mask that we expose to the outside world, and being prepared to be authentic and vulnerable. Contribution means putting in and giving, not just taking. For guys it means communicating from your heart, being caring and respectful, being open, and sharing your fears and your secrets, helping with the children and the housework, cooking a meal occasionally, and continually dating and romancing your partner. Telling your partner that you love her (but only if you really do), and that she is beautiful, and that she is the only one for you. For women it means showing interest in your man’s work, his interests and achievements, and thanking him for everything he does to help. Being needed, appreciated and praised is the way a guy feels valued. Emotional foreplay for a man is also when his partner takes pride in her physical appearance and she wears sexy underwear and lingerie, as a man is stimulated visually. This makes him feel that his partner desires him. It is also when she cooks him a meal, lights candles and tells him how much she loves him, and she sometimes initiates the moves. Women generally need more emotional spoiling than men to feel loved.  Let’s face facts, women are largely turned on by communication and through their emotions, so guys if you want a great sex life, whether you are single or in a relationship, you have to put in effort. It has been written that women need ten times more foreplay than men, so I am just repeating what I have read. So now you can see why just “bringing home the bacon” or just “being around” won’t be enough to light her fire. And foreplay must be a dance that goes on continually throughout the relationship, not just when we first meet.

Physical foreplay on the other hand requires sexual tension and not rushing in for the kill too early. Guys often forget they will lose a lot of points if they continually skip foreplay, and make sex a quick hunt and kill session, so they can run off to play golf or work on the car. It is kissing on and off passionately, prior to going to bed and throughout the day if home, (coming forward then moving back), touching occasionally, holding and squeezing hands, cuddling, talking, whispering sexual thoughts and feelings, wanting, and appreciating and not rushing in too quickly. If at work or extremely busy, a caring or fun phone call during the day can also be a springboard for emotional foreplay. Some birds and animals use a lot of courtship and teasing rituals before mating. If they can do it, we have the should be able to do it even better!!

Tantric sex has some wonderful rituals for touching and exploring each other, and working with sexual energy if you are spiritually inclined or you would like to take sex to a deeper level (Another topic yet to come).

Remain semi-dressed sometimes and explore physical foreplay outside the bedroom to keep the excitement alive. Remember variety of place and touch are necessary to keep your sex life healthy. Oral sex, a variation of slow and fast, gentle and strong pressure, and kissing all over, in most cases is guaranteed to pleasure both parties. Penetration should be the last thing on the agenda and it can be interrupted occasionally to go back to oral sex and foreplay. This will keep the sexual tension high (if you have good holding techniques and self control that is!). And, if you feel a little kinky, you can use your imagination, with fruit, ice, champagne, chocolate or whatever turns you on, but only if you can cope with the mess. Clean freaks may have trouble with this one!. Be a little adventurous and get out of your comfort zone. Say “that feels good” when you really like a certain touch, to give feed back. Also ask your partner what they fantasize about, or what they have experienced before that they have enjoyed. This will give you some new insights, but remember fantasies can threaten relationships if taken too far. Besides a fantasy is no longer a fantasy once fulfilled. Also avoid pornography as much as possible as it denigrates men as much as it denigrates women. In small doses it can be healthy but in large doses it becomes an addiction. Besides if you get into frolicking foreplay you are unlikely to need the kinky stuff as you will find that you will be taken to the deepest parts of your heart and your soul, which will be far more satisfying than anything else you will ever experience.